Following on from talk of the nicknames I use for my riding buddies when I write about them…

Everyone knows what an Aberdeen Angus is: high-quality cattle that makes for good eating. A few days ago I was at a client’s site where the new boss – a lady from the north-east of Scotland, with a particularly dour and demanding demeanour – was being called Aberdeen Ghengis behind her back by the staff. Not only because she was strict and a bit of a cow, but because they reckoned most of her newly introduced directives were pretty hard to swallow.

That made me wonder about other workplace nicknames. Generally, they’re pretty derogatory, aren’t they? The most offensive I’ve heard was, naturally, from the unvarnished world of the forces as a friend told me of a large but promiscuous female colleague (Jabba the slut). Almost as bad was Perry the driver – real name something like John or Tony – as Perry was short for perineum… I can’t bring myself to give the full definition, but it included the word “useless bit of flesh” and what he was halfway between.  Though calling an effete print-works manager Tinks (or Tinkerbell, because he was a fairy) is a solid third place in the offensive-names stakes.

I’ve really struggled to think of any I’ve heard that were even vaguely affectionate. Most bosses seem to earn nicknames based on their bad character traits, not their good ones. It’s the opposite to how we nickname our friends – where there’s a bit of sympathy for the “victim” of the re-naming. I mean, my boss is a right nightmare, but that’s because I’m  self-employed. So I can’t tell you what nickname I’ve given him…